The Moment I Said It
by TheFriskyHam
Summary: Songfic, oneshot.  Takes place when Severus Snape calls Lily a Mudblood.  Using the song The Moment I Said It By Imogen Heap.  Please R&R.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, J.K Rowling, or Imogen Heap. The writing in bold is quotes from the Harry Potter books, which are, once again, not mine. The writing in italics are song lyrics from the song "The Moment I said It." By Imogen Heap, and once again, I own neither the song nor Imogen Heap.

"**I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"**

_The moment I said it  
__The moment I opened my mouth_

What had he done? He'd called his best friend a Mudblood. The dirtiest word to call someone of muggle blood. And the words had escaped so suddenly. There was no way that Lily Evans would ever forgive him.

_Lead in your eyelids_

Lily was glaring at him now. Her eyes alight with fire as red as her beautiful hair.

_Bulldozed the life out of me_

She hated him. Lily Evans hated Severus Snape. Nothing would ever be the same. Snape's heart was breaking, burning inside himself, causing pain beyond anything he'd ever felt.

_I know what you're thinking  
__But darling you're not thinking straight  
__Sadly things just happen... we can't... explain_

She was walking away from them now. Snape was trying to go after her, but that stupid Potter and his friends were doing their best to torture him.

"Let me down!" shouted Severus. He struggled with all his might, but nothing happened. Potter just continued to laugh. Snape got a hold of his wand.

"Expelliarmus!" he shouted. Potter's wand flew out of his hand, and Snape landed rather painfully on his head. But he didn't care, he couldn't lose Lily. He loved her…

_It's not even light out,  
__But you've somewhere to be - no hesitation  
__No I've never seen you like this  
__And I don't like it, I don't like it, I don't like it at all_

He'd been running around the castle for hours, looking for anywhere Lily might be. She wasn't in the library, the room of requirements, the great hall, anywhere! Snape had been asking Lily's friends where she was, but they all just glared at Snape just as coldly as Lily had and told him to sod off. He knew only one place she could be. The Gryffindor common room.

_Just put back the car keys  
__Or somebody's going to get hurt  
__Who are you calling at this hour_

Severus sat outside the Gryffindor common room, waiting for Lily to emerge. He'd been sitting out of the room for about two hours. Every Gryffindor that entered or left told him to "go back to his own kind," or "go back somewhere where he's actually wanted." But he stayed put, unwilling to let the Gryffindor pansies push him around. He was in love. Couldn't anyone see that?!

Lily's friend Mary emerged from the common room.

"Get lost already!" she yelled at him.

He stood up. "NO! I need to speak to Lily! I will wait forever to talk to her! I'll even sleep out here!"

Mary rolled her eyes. "Anything for you to leave." She said, and she disappeared beyond the portrait of the fat lady to get Lily.

_Sit down, come round , I need you now  
__We'll work it all out together_

"**I'm sorry."**

"**I'm not interested."**

"**I'm sorry!"**

"**Save your breath. I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."**

"**I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"**

"**Slipped out? It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends-you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you? I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, and I've chosen mine."**

"**No-Listen, I didn't mean-"**

"**-To call me a Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"**

_We're getting no where tonight  
__Now sleep, I promise, it'll all seem better somehow  
__In time_

The thing was that, Lily didn't know that she was different. Pure blood, or Mudblood, he loved her. But he couldn't tell her that now. She'd just look at him in disgust. He'd lost her…

_It's not even light out  
__Suddenly, you've somewhere to be  
__No hesitation  
__I've never seen you like this  
__You're scaring me, you're scaring me,  
__You're scaring me to death_

It was a week after the incident, and Severus was still crushed. Lily wouldn't even look at him, and Potter was being worse than ever! Severus sat in a hallway that was barely ever used, thinking over about his past with Lily. They could have been great together, but with one little word, everything changed.

The light of the setting sun was creeping in through the window. Whenever Snape saw sunlight, he thought of Lily, and the way her eyes of the deepest emerald would light up at the sight of him. Severus would never see that light again.

_Don't…oh, smash...please  
__Don't...oh...and another one _

A tear trickled down Snape's face. He couldn't stand that sunlight. He quickly rose from his seat on the floor and began pounding his fists into the walls. All his anger, anguish and despair was flying out of him with every punch. Stupid Potter and his weirdo friends, Lily's hatred towards him, the neglect he would now receive, knowing he'd never have someone to entrust his secrets in. It was all coming out now. His fists were bleeding when he finished punching the wall in, leaving a significant mark on the stone wall. But he was still mad. He punched in the window next to the wall, the glass shattering atop the ground outside.

_I'm losing you...I'm losing you_

Severus collapsed to his knees. It was hopeless. He saw no more light, no more happiness in this hellhole we call a world. He began to sob openly into his bloody hands, feeling nothing but pain.

_Trust me on this one  
__I've got a bad feeling  
__Trust me on this one  
__You're going to throw it all away  
__With no hesitation_

Snape knew what he was going to do. He would turn himself in to the Dark Lord, and do whatever possible to become a death eater. There was no happiness, there was no more world. There was only darkness ahead.

_A/N: I wrote this because I have just recently realized the effect that words and actions have on one another. A girl at my school was recently humiliated when a bunch of her "friends" sent out an embarrassing video of her to the entire school. I know how it feels to be humiliated and hurt just by the words of another. I am constantly being ragged on in my school for being "emo" or a "fag lover". Words hurt, and when you say something about someone, you never know who may be listening._

_Thanks for reading, please R&R. _

_-Sarah(Ham)_


End file.
